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Attachment, according to British psychologist John Bowlby, is the special connection between two people, based on love and the desire to maintain proximity. He explained how babies begin with innate signals, calling for their parents to be around. As time goes by, a stronger bond among infants and their parents develops, backed by new emotional and cognitive abilities and a better understanding of the history of warmth and care.
Attachment develops in four phases:
From birth to 6 weeks, Babies use built-in signals (such as grasping, gazing, crying and smiling) to connect with caregivers but aren’t yet attached to anyone in particular although the mother’s scent and voice is completely familiar to them.
From 6 weeks to 6-8 months, infants exhibit distinct reactions to familiar faces and strangers. While displaying signs of trust, they do not object when separated. For instance, a 4-month-old infant may exhibit increased smiling, laughter, and babbling when engaging with their parents. Additionally, they tend to become more calm promptly when held by familiar adults compared to unfamiliar individuals. This stage marks the initiation of the development of trust, wherein infants anticipate a caregiver’s response when they signal a need.
Spanning from 6-8 months to 18 months-2 years, infants begin displaying signs of separation anxiety and/or stranger anxiety when distanced from their primary caregiver. They actively seek the presence of their caregiver and become distressed upon their departure. It’s important to note that the occurrence of separation or stranger anxiety varies based on the infant’s individual situation and temperament. In instances where parents attempt to leave, older babies and young children go beyond crying—they make efforts to remain close. They might run towards them, follow them closely, and even prefer their company over others. This behavior stems from the perception of their primary caregivers as a secure anchor, allowing them to explore their environment with a sense of safety.
From 18 months/2 years and onwards; toddlers enter a phase where they grasp the factors influencing their parents’ presence (coming) and absence (going). They develop a sense of predictability regarding their parents’ return, enabling them to negotiate with caregivers using requests and persuasion to achieve their goals. Consequently, protests during separations begin to decline. This shift is attributed to the rapid growth of toddlers’ language and representational skills. For instance, a two-year-old might request their parents to read a story before leaving them with a babysitter. The additional time spent with parents, coupled with a clearer understanding of their whereabouts (“to have dinner with Auntie Mel”) and return time (“right after you go to sleep”), aids the child in coping with the absence of their parents.
As per Bowlby, these phases help children form a lasting emotional bond with caregivers, creating a secure base during their absence. This connection acts as a model for future relationships with other adults, siblings and friends, which children keep revising and expanding as they grow.
By the time babies reach their second year, they have formed bonds with a familiar caregiver, but the strength and quality of that connection can differ. Therefore, some kids seem secure as they can predict that a caregiver will give them love and support when signaled. Others however, might seem worried, anxious, insecure or uncertain.
Styles of attachment in each individual is divided into four different classification:
Children use the caregiver as a secure base. When Parents leave, they might react sensitively; that is mostly because they acknowledge the parents’ absence and prefer them to a stranger. Upon parents return however, they seek active contact and the amount of crying will be significantly reduced.
Children with this style of attachment seem indifferent and unresponsive to the caregiver’s presence and show little reaction upon their return. They are usually not distressed when the parent leaves and react similarly towards both the parent and a stranger. When parents return, they might avoid or take their time to say hello, and when picked up, they often don’t hold on tightly to the caregiver.
Children seek closeness to the caregiver and display resistance before separation and are reluctant to explore their environment. When parents leave, they tend to be distressed, angry, and show resistive or aggressive behaviors (such as pushing and hitting). Many children with resistant attachment styles continue crying after parents return and will not be comforted easily.
Disorganized and disoriented attachment style reflects confused, insecure, contradictory and fearful behaviors among toddlers. Upon reunion, they may show avoidance behaviors. For example, some of them might glance away when the parents try to hold them, or they might approach the parents with a depressed, and uninterested feeling. They might also express their feelings with a distant look on their face. A few might suddenly cry even after having calmed down, or they might hold strange, frozen positions.
If you’re worried about how your kid bonds with others, you might want to check out the Attachment Q-Sort. It’s a thing for kids aged 1 to 4. You basically sort out what you see them doing to figure out how secure they are in their connections. Like, “Child greets mother with a big smile when she enters the room,” or “If mother moves very far, child follows along.” Just keep in mind, it takes a bit of time, and it might not catch everything about your little one’s insecurities.
References
Bretherton, I., & Munholland, K. A. (1999). Internal working models in attachment relationships: A construct revisited. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (pp. 89–111). The Guilford Press.
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